The Dating Politics of Trek

by CHRIS
***

me: anyway, the whole thing is a nightmare, being with you was fun for like 2 seconds but really the whole thing with you just made me feel like shit and like fucked me over

std: oh come on
it wasn't that bad
i didn't make you feel like shit on purpose
me: we couldnt even eat breakfast together!
std: we did so have breakfast one time in neukölln
std: otherwise, yeah...by the mornings i had usually had a very strong dose of you and i felt i needed to leave sorry i wasn't able to be more tactful you just weirded me out sometimes
me: weirded you out?
dude, i left you!
std: i knew it wouldn't work the moment you said star trek

***

And this, my beloved Trekkie friends, is a verbatim segment from a particularly nasty & immature spat with my Berlin ex-bf (who I have, very un-cattily, begun to refer to as STDaniel). Now, regardless of the fact I was the one who ended things with STD, primarily because he was kindof a dickbag, and secondly because he had a severe addiction to amphetamines, he still managed to totally burn my ass and make me feel deeply unlovable. On top of this he also somehow managed to blame Star Trek for the whole thing. (????)

This whole experience has made me reevaluate relationships on a deeper level, and while I hate to feel like such a jaded curmudgeon, some life lessons have definitely been learned.

Number one life lesson: Never date a non-Trekkie.
A) you have no power over them.
B) they are usually conventionally good looking, or are used to receiving positive reinforcement about their appearance in some other subculture, and have thus stopped developing any emotional vulnerability.
C) you can't watch Trek with them.
D) they try and turn you off the things you love the most (Trek).

Life Lesson Two: You Will Die Alone.
Chances are if you are a Trek fan you're probably going to die alone. Get used to it! This is not Malcoria III, this is REAL LIFE, and in real life true love does not exist, especially for sweaty-palmed trekkers who live in their parents' basement. Sorry guys.

Life Lesson Three: Somebody Please Date Me.
Okay, Okay, this is not exactly a lesson, but more of a desperate plea to my modest online following. Please date me. I'm lonely, afraid, and not as mean as I came off in above mentioned gmail chat. I swear.

So Daniel, if you are reading this, I do apologize for publicly railing you out/posting a defiled photograph of you on a creepy geek culture sex blog. But, to my credit, I did warn you of my Trek "weirdness" from the offset. And, despite the fact you were a true emotional amputee, I still think you are a babe, and do hope you are happy with your new French punk girlfriend (even if she did give you oral herpes the night we broke up). Bye.