Data is the most sexually frustrated of all the Star Trek characters for a plethora of reasons.
We can surmise from ST; TNG and the movies that Data has had sex exactly two times. Once with Tasha Yar when they were looped on intergalactic space virus and once with the Borg Queen (no lube required.) Then, he is blown-up in the tremendously disappointing finale of Star Trek; Nemesis.
The number of times Wesley Crusher and Geordie LaForge get laid is ambiguous and up for debate. Did Wesley get with the Daulphin? (probably not.) Did he feel up Ashley Judd’s Judds? (I hope so.) Also, the academy is practically a poon party after hours. Where do you think that asshole cadet Locarno thought up reviving the Kolvoord Starburst maneuver? Answer: A Klingon kegger.
There is also the issue of Data having no emotions. Even after release, assuming he is fully functional like he so adamantly claims, he can never be satisfied. Sex to him is just another function akin to calculating the trajectory of an asteroid. The unique benefits of a good fucking are not available. Sure he never gets so horny he’ll fuck a worm-like alien like No. 1, but he’ll never experience a post-coital Riker-rush either. Yes, Riker is usually alone in bed when this happens, and his partner is obsessively scrubbing her skin raw in the bathroom and washing her vag in an effort to prevent STD transmission, but damn it, Will feels good. So good he might ramp up a shitastic trombone solo.
I digress. But for these reasons and more, Data must remain at the top of the sexual frustration scale.
A footnote to this retort; I have moved Worf higher up the scale in lieu of Star Trek; DS9, which I did not consider when initially composing this scale. It is important to consider the entire breadth of the ST canon and so I admit my mistake.
2 comment(s):
"ramp up a shitastic trombone solo"
enormous lolz!
LOLin down tha HOUSE
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