Five, Four, Three, Two, One....

If you were anything like me when you were a child (over-emotional, anxiety prone, queerbag bed-wetter) then you were a fan of the Care Bears, and not in any ironic sortof way.

Anyway, you can imagine how delighted I was when a Star Trek-Inspired Care Bear Epi fell directly into my inter lap (The Thing That Came to Stay/Space Bubbles, 1988).

"S.S. Friendship"

LOL! Thanks, internet. A dream cum tru!

Homeless + Lovin' It

Hey guys, I'm in the Westender. but not for anything that makes me creative or funny. bye.

Down Under

I just got some weird spammy forward email shit about a political petition in Australia from my ex "boyfriend" from Berlin, also known as STDaniel (Who you might just remember). Of course, upon receiving the email I had an instant anxiety attack, and then promptly banished the message into the deep loins of my garbage bin to prevent myself from scanning the mass received text for secret messages to me.

I'm sorry, but don't people know their internet breakup etiquette?

#1. Do not email unless you are saying:
a) I still love you
b) I'm drunk and depressed and I really love you
c) I hate you so fucking much!!!!
d) I may have given you an STD

#2. Do not email them AT ALL!!!
Delete the person from all your listserves, social networking sites, ESPECIALLY if you were a dick to them about Star Trek.

#3. I fucking hate Australians:
I know this is not an etiquette lesson, but I seriously do fucking hate Australians (and Australia). I have to say it out loud! Last month at Burning Man, some Aussie gave me a balloon filled with "helium" and I only found out once I was passed out on the floor of a moving vehicle shaped like a giant bunny rabbit that it was actually a Whippet. THEN the mothafucker tried to stick his tongue down my throat. Good thing Terra was there to beat the shit out of him. But seriously, this would only happen in the company of an Australian.

In conclusion, Australians: why do you ruin my life? You are officially banned from Trekkie Sex and it's not my fault you did this to yourselves.

Parents and New Friends in Life

This is a picture of my parents I made when they are rabbits talking to me online. Two nights ago we thought my dad had a heart attack, then we thought he had gout.

Yesterday a man with no teeth called Johnny tried to take me out for an iced Americano. I asked him if he was "Johnny be Good" or "Johnny be Bad" and he said "I don't know but I sure am thirsty!"

Does anyone know where to find the Online RPG "Realmz" online? I want to become a half-elf half-human in another world so I only have to feel like full me half the time.

Hot as Hell

Miss me guys? Probably not because nobody reads this unless you're my mom.

But if you're not my mom, hi! Thanks for sticking with the blog! I'm finally back from a drawn out, drug-laced hippie binge in Portland-Nevada (also known as my annual Burning Man Pilgrimage) and I survived! I've even got the pelvic bruises to prove it.*

* Never get a pelvic massage from a woman wearing crystallized breast pasties!

Anyway, I want to do a fire-themed podcast to talk about about the burn, but I need some more questions from my beloved sexy trekkers. Trekkie Sex wants to know:

What makes your pelvis burn?
Do you want to know where to get it fixed (been there)?
Favourite Trek-splosion?
Etc, anything really...

Send questions, comments or viagraspam to me at: cepurquhart@gmail.com.