DEAR BABIES: FUCK RIGHT OFF!!!!!!!!!

A report on Babies by me

Babies, what the fuck?? I know I don't actually want you, but somebody better inform my salivating womb ASAP. I’m becoming a real creep. Once a week I sit in the park swinging on the swings (my roommate makes me do this so I can connect with my inner child more and heal my wounded “solar plexus” chakra). Instead I just end up babe lurking MAJORLY—is it just me or do all babies look like tiny delicious ducks?

The other day I sat in a coffee shop watching a young couple burp their adorable baby, and then I wanted to KILL MYSELF. As a coping mechanism I took off my bra and hit on the saggy aging barista behind the counter with the hopes he might be interested in my fertile womb: I came to my senses when I realized he was wearing a V-neck… Bad genes! Genetically prone to bad fashion choices!

I came up with an idea for a Trek movie: Baby Starfleet. It would be like the Wrath of Khan meets Muppet Babies meets ~~~beautiful heaven~~~! Can you imagine Spock as a lil dood riding around in a baby pouch? Or Shatner making a sour face the first time he tastes a Klingon Rokeg blood pie? Squeee! So yeah, dear producers of the Internet, this idea is mine copyright © 2010 but contact me if you’re interested.

Also, there’s a new documentary film out just in time for my ovulation cycle, which is aptly named Babies. This film follows four babies from across the world growing up— from Mongolia, Japan, USA and some other place (probably somewhere that speaks Spanish). Besides the fact this film has some major cultural relativism shit going on (baby poop is all the same color, amiright right guys!?) it doesn't stop me from wanting to murder and stuff all four of those lil fuckers so I can stare at them forever in my living room.

Well that's it. I realized I pretty much used this blog to complain about my failed love life in relationship to star trek, or talk about hamsters or yeast infections, and apparently now babies but hey c’est la vie. I might start writing in here more, but it will be 10% trek and 90% about fertility. Also if you want to impregnate me just send me an email and I will see if its ok with my boyfriend!!! Love You ~~~ <3>